2026-11-20
Good morning, Dear Ones,
The Holy Spirit commands me to write this week about managing our feelings in a conflict. Wow! If there was ever a hard thing to do, it’s this! And yet, it’s what is necessary if we are ever to be a peacemaker. Remember, MT 5: 9, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” However, the question arises: Peace at what price? The idea of being a doormat is not in one’s best interests. Finding a way to keep peace without allowing oneself to be used by opponents with hidden evil agendas requires prayerful thought. Before entering the arena of a conflict, it always helps to ask God for His help in prayer. Matters in a conflict are most often best settled when the emotions are not high or out of control. Understanding the real reasons for a conflict and taking the time to address those reasons is helpful. There is constructive anger, like the way one feels at an injustice, is acceptable as long as dealing with the situation is done in a godly, patient, and well-conceived manner. That is what the prophet Nathan did when he told King David the story of the rich man who took no pity, taking the poor man’s only sheep for dinner, in 2 SAM 12: 1-4. That evoked David’s righteous anger, seen in verse 6. On the other hand, anger can and often is destructive. That’s the kind of anger that needs to be managed carefully, because it leads to destructive behavior. An example is the kind of anger that defeats the spirit of another or does actual physical harm to one’s opponent.
EPH 4: 26-27, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry and do not give the devil a foothold.” Holding grudges is never constructive. If someone’s behavior is toxic to us and we don’t want to be close to them, then we should quietly put distance between them and ourselves. Not all unfriendly behavior is toxic, and conflicts can be settled with patience and care in the approach we take. In such a situation, prayer is always a good idea first. The time we take doing this praying will also give time for emotions to die down from the original discussion in the first place. Once we go back into our opponent’s presence, we will have had time to think through the issues involved and get our emotions under control. Any hope of a peaceful solution to the problem is in the hands of the Lord and the party to a conflict who uses self-control. PR 16: 32-33, “Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city. The lot is cast into the lap, but it’s every decision is from the Lord.” If more people understood this concept, I believe there would be fewer wars. Emotions out of control can cause many negative consequences. That is why GA 5: 22-23, the list of the gifts of the Holy Spirit, includes self-control. Thinking through the issues at hand and letting the angry emotions of the moment really matter. A young child needs to learn how important self-control is from the behavior of his parents when they have a conflict. The example we set for young children can last for a lifetime. The father who yells and throws his shoe at his mother isn’t using wisdom, even if his side makes more sense than his wife’s. Conflicts between husband and wife are best settled quietly and privately away from children. Losing self-control is only going to impress upon that child through his own adulthood that this behavior is acceptable. PR 25: 28, “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” This makes me recall the lack of governance in Haiti at present, which is a country without a government run by gangs. That is not an example of a godly and free environment.
Verbal restraint is a sign of genuine knowledge. JAS 1: 19, “Everyone should be quick to listen and slow to speak or become angry.” PR 13: 3, “Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.” PR 18: 21, “The tongue has the power of life and death.” All three of these verses are God laying it on the line. They are His wisdom put in very human terms. Verbal restraint matters as it prevents harm, promotes peace, reflects wisdom, and honors God. How can restraint be practiced? By pausing before speaking, filtering thoughts through Scriptures, listening more than speaking, keeping communication shorth and clear, praying in moments of tension, and seeking accountability.
PRAYER: Dearest Lord, we seek Your wisdom at a time when conflicts are many and we need to deal with them with grace, encouragement, thanksgiving, and gentle answers that turn wrath away. PR 15: 1-2, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge, but the mouth of a fool gushes folly.” Your eyes see everywhere, both wicked and good. We need Your help in avoiding gossip, slander, complaining, harsh or reckless remarks. In IS 55: 8-9, You describe Your wisdom is so much greater than ours. Help us to remember to use it and be peacekeepers rather than rabble-rousers. We offer You our loyalty, honor, praise, and thanksgiving for the love You have for us and caring wisdom You share with us, in the holy/mighty name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
NEXT WEEK: I’m directed to write about when reconciliation is the goal in conflict resolution next week. In the meanwhile, bear PR 29: 11 in mind. “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.” No one said this will be easy to do, particularly in emotionally highly charged circumstances, but it is the Lord’s way. Because of that, we should keep this verse in mind and not use inflammatory language at a time of conflict. As for swearing, it never helps, even as an expression of the moment. Long-held habits like this can, with the Lord’s help and hard work, be broken. Praise and thanksgiving be to Him!
Grace be with You Always,
Lynn, JS 25: 15
© Lynn Johnson 2026
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