2005-01-21
Good Morning Beloved of God,
This morning, the Holy Spirit is challenging me to write about a very emotionally difficult subject, divorce. Sadly, the breakup of a marital union has been going on since mankind first began organizing themselves into households. We all know that about 80% of uncommitted relationships break up in America. It is not a good comment on our society to have to add that about 52 % of committed relationships (marriages) also breakup. God instituted marriages ordained by Him, and while I have no set statistics, it is my belief that many fewer than 52% of these marriages end in divorce. These are marriages in which God is an active Partner. Having said all of that, we need to examine what God has to say in the Scriptures about divorce.
Our starting place will be Christ’s words in MT 5: 31-32, “It was also said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her written notice of divorce.’ But now I tell you: if a man divorces his wife, even through she has not been unfaithful, then he is guilty of making her commit adultery if she marries again; and the man who married her commits adultery also.” This passage in its application in modern life is both a blessing and the producer of a serious predicament for the faithful party in such a marriage. If we look at the first sentence, we see in it Christ’s recognition that divorce does happen. My understanding is that He is not saying, ‘Never divorce for any reason,’ although some folks have taken it to say that. This says to me, if there is a legitimate reason for divorcing, then do so honorably. The question becomes what constitutes a legitimate reason for divorce? Human lawyers argue at length about that, and every state in the US has different laws to answer that question as a result. Christ has stated infidelity as a reason here. Although the Bible is written with the male gender mentioned, I believe our God really means if the infidelity is either by the male, by the female, or by both parties.
Being faithful to one’s spouse matters tremendously to God. That is one reason why God established the Jewish people to refuse to engage in idol worship of any kind at a time when Baal worship was so popular. This horrific belief system included public acts of sexual intercourse and the burning of babies strapped to poles as an offering to their gods. Leviticus, the third book of the Torah, has a list of forbidden sexual practices in chapter 18, for example LV 18: 20, “Do not have intercourse with a another man’s wife; that would make you ritually unclean.” I’m certain that could be extended to not having sexual relations with another wife’s husband, as well. In 1 COR 5: 9, Paul writes, “In the letter that I wrote you I told you not to associate with immoral people,” referring to people in the church who make a lifestyle out of sexual or other immorality.
There is one more reason for divorce that is mentioned, and it comes up in 1 COR 7: 14-15, “For the unbelieving husband is made acceptable to God by being united to his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made acceptable to God by being united to her Christian husband. If this were not so, their children would be like pagan children; but as it is they are acceptable to God. However, if the one who is not a believer wishes to leave the Christian partner, let it be so. In such cases the Christian partner, whether husband or wife, is free to act. God has called you to live in peace.”
I began this devotion with the bad news about divorce, but would like to conclude it with how I believe divorce can be prevented. Entering into a marriage for the right reasons and at an age where the individuals involved have some emotional and spiritual maturity makes sense. This means marriage either between two parties who are faithful enough to be willing to make our great Covenant Partner a Partner in the marriage or between one party who has that kind of faith with another open to gaining it. Marrying in response to temptation of the flesh or when lacking so much of life’s experience that the parties are immature is a horrific mistake. Sadly, it’s a mistake for which I myself paid a terrible price for over the 15 years of my first marriage. God rescued me from that by giving me faith and bringing my husband, Peter, into my life after I divorced. Twenty-eight years after my marriage to Peter, I can happily report that God continues to be a Partner in our very happy marriage. EPH 5: 21-25, 28-30, which I hope you will read, describes what God expects in a good marriage.
I’m forced to admit that there are times when a divorce is the only emotionally and morally healthy decision to make, but it must only be made as a last resort. It is true that God hates divorce and wishes mankind would never be foolish enough to let such poorly conceived marriages happen. Divorce is never without tremendous emotional pain, most especially to any children involved. If young people rushing to get married in answer to physical passion knew the kind of pain the children of divorce endure, they might think twice before entering into this union. Marriage is not to be an expedient, but instead, is to be a three-way union between a man and a women and God founded in both committed mature love and deep abiding faith in Him.
PRAYER: O Lord, we stand before Your mighty throne, knowing that You would want us to confess our sins and offer ourselves before You with the will to obey Your commands. From the Scriptures we know that You never intended to have one human marital partner to dominate the other one, nagging, deception, keeping secrets, bullying, abuse, adultery, or any of the other sins that happen in some marriages. We should understand that you have shown us in GN 2: 18, 22-24 Your desire for marriage. “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to live alone. I will make a suitable companion to help him.’…He formed a woman out of [Adam’s] rib and brought her to him. Then the man said, ‘At last, here is one of my own kind-bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh. ‘Woman’ is her name because she was taken out of man.’ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife, and they become one.” Dearest Abba, the honoring of You by honoring our spouse is Your heart’s desire and therefore, should be our own. When we show mutual respect for You and our spouse, we can live productive and peaceful lives. This sets a good example among those who know us. When there are children in a marriage, their best interests must be served. We can see that children brought up in the home where there is faith and harmony can themselves establish such homes when they become adults. My own experience has taught me to pray for this, because I have seen the devastation to our society as a result of the breakdown of the family unit. Today, we join together to pray that marriages will be entered into under conditions which please You, that You will always be a Partner in such marriages, that if divorce is absolutely necessary it will be carried out honorably and without rancor, and that somehow You will come against the evil that is causing the breakdown of the families in our country. We bow to Your supreme sovereignty and open our hearts to Your direction. In Christ, we pray, Amen.
Next week, I am directed by the Holy Spirit to discuss vows using MT 5: 33-37 as the basis for this discussion. There is a reason that God hates divorce. It is because of His love for all his children, no matter what their age. As a child of God, I have experienced the pain that “God’s mid-course corrections” necessitated by my own prior foolishness has caused me. This is pain that I wish everyone could avoid. And yet, God never stopped loving me, anymore than He would stop loving any person who desires to love Him [RO 8: 28]. The very process of God perfecting us [sanctification] is clear evidence of His desire to love us and bring us back to Him for an eternal life of fellowship and bliss. The Psalmist wrote in PS 71: 20-21, “You have sent trouble and suffering on me, but You will restore my strength. You will keep me from the grave; You will make me greater than ever; You will comfort me again.” We have the assurance of God’s guidance given us in PS 32: 8, “The Lord says, ‘I will make you wise and show you where to go. I will guide you and watch over you.’” We are not left to the devises of Satan or hung out to twist in his evil wind. Instead, we can rely on God’s help as described in PS 31: 3-4, “You are indeed my Rock and my Fortress; for Your name’s sake lead me and guide me, take me out of the snare that is hidden for me, for You are my Refuge.” PS 46: 1 tells us our prayerful request for His help does not fall on deaf ears. “God is our Shelter and our Strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.” All we have to do is to turn to Him with honest and open hearts, taking His direction. We must remember that He gave His only Son for us, so that we could be saved and enjoy a life “in Christ” for eternity.
Grace Be With You Always,
Lynn