2002-01-01
Good Morning Fellow Believers,
I am led to continue writing about the marriage covenant and the issue of divorce. Let me begin by once again reiterating 1 COR 7: 10-11,15. “For married people I have a command which is not my own but the Lord’s: a wife must not leave her husband; but if she does, she must remain single or else be reconciled to her husband; and a husband must not divorce his wife…[to others Paul would say] However, if the one who is not a believer [in a marriage between a Christian and an unbeliever] wishes to leave the Christian partner, let it be so. In such cases the Christian partner, whether husband or wife, is free to act. God has called you to live in peace.” It’s appropriate for me to begin with words from the Scriptures, so as to set the tone for the discussion that follows. Inherent in these words is God’s dislike of divorce while at the same time not hating people who get a divorce. Keep in mind that God’s two stated purposes for marriage are 1) companionship for the married couple and 2) procreation of children who will grow up to be faithful to Him. It must also be kept in mind that God intended that marriage should actually be a three-way covenant between the husband, wife, and Himself.
It was no accident that Christ made the point in MT 19: 11, that “this teaching does not apply to everyone, but only to those to whom God has given it.” It would be impossible for me to discuss every possible individual case that could rightfully lead to divorce, so I’ll use three examples. One such example would be a marriage in which the husband [or may I also say, the wife] is unfaithful with another person. My next example is where the marriage has taken place either by fraud or under coercion. And the third example is where all efforts to save the union have failed and keeping it together would be spiritually and/or physically damaging to the marital partners and any children they have. I looked carefully at the citations in this message (and the last two) with these three examples where divorce may be the only solution to the problem. In these three circumstances, I can find no reason why divorce isn’t the best answer. The only exception that I can find is when there has been unfaithfulness, the offending partner agrees to stop that behavior permanently, and the other partner is willing to forgive the offender. God tells us in 1 COR 7: 15 that it is not His will that we should live in the emotional and possibly, physically dangerous maelstrom of a bad marriage that has no hope of being reconciled. I am not saying this is God giving license to get a divorce for any reason. In my humble opinion, there are some marriages in which God is not made a covenant Partner either from the beginning or as the marriage proceeds. Therein, one finds a serious problem, one which I believe is responsible for the 52% of marriages in this country today which fail.
Admittedly, I have a problem with the teaching that a divorced person should not remarry in the case of a divorce in the above three examples I gave. There are marriages which are legal from the state’s point of view, but which I believe are not ordained of God. If we are to take 1 COR 7: 15 as I understand it, that would mean that if a Christian is married unhappily to a non-believer and there is no chance the non-believer will come to faith or wants to remain in the marriage, then divorce is an acceptable option in God’s eyes. A divorce in those circumstances shouldn’t bar the believer from being allowed to remarry after a legal divorce has taken place. In that circumstance, it is possible for the divorced believer to establish a wonderful marriage with a fellow believer and even raise children that would also come to trust and obey the Lord. Having said all of this, let’s revisit a familiar passage which beautifully reveals God’s will for marriage.
EPH 5: 21-33, which I hope you will read in its entirety fits this bill. Here are some excerpts: (21) “Submit yourselves to one another because of your reverence for Christ.” (23) “For as husband has authority over his wife just as Christ has authority over the church; and Christ is Himself the Savior of the church, His body.” (25) Husbands, love your wives just a Christ loved the church and gave His life for it.” (28) Men ought to love their wives just as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself.” The bottom line is that what applies to Christ and the church also applies to a man and his wife. (33) “…Every husband must love his wife as himself, and every wife must respect her husband.” Nowhere here to we see any necessity to fight the battle of the sexes! When Peter and I first considered joining our congregation, we took the inquirer’s class. It was pointed out to us that men and women were given different callings by God in a marriage, one not more important than the other. Neither human partner in a good marriage ordained of God would ever feel the need to dominate the other. Of course, there needs to be agreement one which temporal responsibilities (division of labor, so to speak) each partner should have. However, the spiritual underpinnings of a Godly union make the domination of one partner over the other totally unnecessary and inappropriate. Decisions are meant to be shared, as is faithful obedience to God.
PRAYER: O Lord, You have made Your will for marriage, Your purposes for it, and how we should conduct ourselves clear. Each of us must approach You in prayer in dealing with our individual circumstances. You are an ever-wise, compassionate Deity Who is eager to give us direction and hear our supplications with regard to marriage and divorce. With this subject, as with all in our lives, we can see the tremendous conflict when the world-led belief system comes face to face with Your God-led one. Just as Paul wrote about the conflict of the flesh and the spirit in RO 7; 14-25, the remedy for our problems with marriages is the same. RO 7: 24-25, “…Who will rescue me from this body that is taking me to death? Thanks be to God, Who does this through our Lord Jesus Christ.” We acknowledge that when we enter into marriages as You have outlined in the Scriptures for us to do, and when we trust and obey Your commands in the conduct of them, we will know a kind of bliss that only You can provide. It will make us carefully consider who and under what conditions we marry, and it will guide our conduct with our spouse and any children we have within our marriages. We offer You thanks for making Your teachings so clear in these matters and for the loving compassion and patience You show when divorce is necessary. The discernment You give us through prayer and the Scriptures, as well as the support we find from our Christ-led congregations are great blessings from You for which we offer heartfelt thanks. Today, we humbly approach You in deepest reverence to offer our adoration, worship, loyalty, trust, obedience, honor, glory, praise, and thanks at Your altar. In Christ’s name, amen.
There are more teachings from 1 COR 7 and other places on marriage and on the single life that God leads me to share in tomorrow’s message. In the meanwhile, we all need to offer thanks to our loving Abba for helping us deal with the often-difficult issues of marriage and divorce. This is one further manifestation of the immeasurable love that He has for each of us. Praise be to Him for being the Presence in our lives that He is! Peter and I send you our love too.
Grace Be With You Always,
Lynn